Everyone deserves to feel happy. And it seems nowadays I know so many people who aren't.
And I feel as though I'm expected to console everyone when I'm not much different from them. It's times like this when I want to reserve a small patch of space, listen to fall out boy, cry and simply just think but then I'm crazy. Then there's something wrong with me. Because emotion is treated as an abnormality. Everyone always says that you can always count on them and call them when you're in your weakest moments. But just imagine the reaction when I'll call someone in tears, with no clear explanation and no clear reason but simply my sadness and then the whole perception, this whole facade I've worked to build is simply shattered by an occurrence. It's times like this I find it hard to remember I was fearfully and wonderfully made. Everyone should know they are infinitely loved. So I'm going to go. Put on Twenty One Pilot's 'Stressed Out' (good song) and contemplate life.
~Love, Scout
Sunday, 2 August 2015
Monday, 6 July 2015
Insomnia and a change of heart
Last night I could not sleep.
Although, eventually, obviously, I managed to.
But I woke up with a change of heart, and anyone whose read Miles Franklin's 'My Brilliant Career' should understand that this one line resonated with me deeply.
"I arose from bed next morning with three things in my head--a pair of swollen eyes, a heavy pain, and a fixed determination to write a book"
Although a book can be replaced with a multitude of things I awoke feeling much different, however this happens so often I can't help but feel like around the corner there is a bad situation and that's my pessimism speaking out.
School is hard.
And I don't think people like telling each other how hard it actually is. Like pregnant women who don't tell their friends about the horror stories, it seems personal but could be for protection. After all many students often say that university is much harder than high school, or simply once your final exams are over, one forgets how hard they worked and how much effort they actually put in. But it seems the work load on my desk just keeps rising and no matter how many hours of work I put in and essays I complete that pile does not fault.
And I'm sorry but I am so sick of all the shit that people keep blubbering to me about schoolwork, especially adults. It's easy enough for them to tell us to do homework when they aren't the ones who have to sit down and complete it.
I tell myself that it really doesn't matter what grades I get, or what ATAR (for those fellow aussies) I receive at the end of this all, but then I get thrown into a pit on anxiety where it really does matter, and it really will be the end of the world if I don't get into that uni and it really will be dreadful if I don't get over 80% and that feeling is almost always consuming half of my brain. And I can't seem to decide which half is better for me.
Eat fruit, exercise, do some study, take a shower, clean your room and go to bed. Let's see if you can have a better nights sleep than I can.
~Love, Scout.
Although, eventually, obviously, I managed to.
But I woke up with a change of heart, and anyone whose read Miles Franklin's 'My Brilliant Career' should understand that this one line resonated with me deeply.
"I arose from bed next morning with three things in my head--a pair of swollen eyes, a heavy pain, and a fixed determination to write a book"
Although a book can be replaced with a multitude of things I awoke feeling much different, however this happens so often I can't help but feel like around the corner there is a bad situation and that's my pessimism speaking out.
School is hard.
And I don't think people like telling each other how hard it actually is. Like pregnant women who don't tell their friends about the horror stories, it seems personal but could be for protection. After all many students often say that university is much harder than high school, or simply once your final exams are over, one forgets how hard they worked and how much effort they actually put in. But it seems the work load on my desk just keeps rising and no matter how many hours of work I put in and essays I complete that pile does not fault.
And I'm sorry but I am so sick of all the shit that people keep blubbering to me about schoolwork, especially adults. It's easy enough for them to tell us to do homework when they aren't the ones who have to sit down and complete it.
I tell myself that it really doesn't matter what grades I get, or what ATAR (for those fellow aussies) I receive at the end of this all, but then I get thrown into a pit on anxiety where it really does matter, and it really will be the end of the world if I don't get into that uni and it really will be dreadful if I don't get over 80% and that feeling is almost always consuming half of my brain. And I can't seem to decide which half is better for me.
Eat fruit, exercise, do some study, take a shower, clean your room and go to bed. Let's see if you can have a better nights sleep than I can.
~Love, Scout.
Wednesday, 11 March 2015
Where To Now?
So it seems that as students entering our scary last year of high school, we are asked that terrible question by relatives, strangers and teachers.
What do you want to do when you leave?
I DON'T KNOW!! Honestly this is something I get asked CONSTANTLY and have absolutely no clue whatsoever. I almost always answer with something completely different every time, and as I change my mind almost every single day, it's normally on absolute opposite ends of the spectrum.
Last year it was to be a game developer, then an archaeologist, now it's probably an aspiring adventurer, author, nanny and mum. Personally, I feel like there is far too much I want to do in my lifetime to narrow it don't to just one thing. I'd like to start a business, write novels, comics and movies. I want to decorate houses, design clothes, and travel literally every single corner of the earth. (Because there's nothing I love more than that world map!) And yes, having kids (emphasis on the S) is something that definitely NEEDS to happen in my adulthood. So if I had to give you (whoever you are) some advice today, it'd be this;
Don't limit your lifetime. You have an absolute abundance of opportunity on this physical earth. Use it. And never, EVER, let someone force you to choose one thing to complete in your lifetime. Do as much as you see fit. And enjoy. Welcome to another epiphany moment, oh dear.
Love, Scout.
Monday, 9 March 2015
Hello!
So I guess this is the beginning. Of something Iv'e finally decided to just bite the bullet and do. And I guess today just pushed me over the edge. Because I decided I wasn't happy. With who I was, what I was doing and the way I make such a big deal about the most minuscule of problems. And I guess that's okay. Because it's put down so badly throughout society that we have to grit our teeth and move on and I've had enough of that. We're allowed to be angry. But I've decided I want to embrace life's little miracles (so cliche) and rather than fret and fret over something I can't change - just take a deep breath, and relax.
Hi. And with that extremely cliche, random and kind of awkward epiphany moment, I welcome you, whoever you may be and how you found this, to my blog. The aspiring adventurer. So maybe tag along, as I try to calm myself (via this rather therapeutic means) through my final year of high school. Thanks for listening.
Love, Scout.
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