Last night I could not sleep.
Although, eventually, obviously, I managed to.
But I woke up with a change of heart, and anyone whose read Miles Franklin's 'My Brilliant Career' should understand that this one line resonated with me deeply.
"I arose from bed next morning with three things in my head--a pair of swollen eyes, a heavy pain, and a fixed determination to write a book"
Although a book can be replaced with a multitude of things I awoke feeling much different, however this happens so often I can't help but feel like around the corner there is a bad situation and that's my pessimism speaking out.
School is hard.
And I don't think people like telling each other how hard it actually is. Like pregnant women who don't tell their friends about the horror stories, it seems personal but could be for protection. After all many students often say that university is much harder than high school, or simply once your final exams are over, one forgets how hard they worked and how much effort they actually put in. But it seems the work load on my desk just keeps rising and no matter how many hours of work I put in and essays I complete that pile does not fault.
And I'm sorry but I am so sick of all the shit that people keep blubbering to me about schoolwork, especially adults. It's easy enough for them to tell us to do homework when they aren't the ones who have to sit down and complete it.
I tell myself that it really doesn't matter what grades I get, or what ATAR (for those fellow aussies) I receive at the end of this all, but then I get thrown into a pit on anxiety where it really does matter, and it really will be the end of the world if I don't get into that uni and it really will be dreadful if I don't get over 80% and that feeling is almost always consuming half of my brain. And I can't seem to decide which half is better for me.
Eat fruit, exercise, do some study, take a shower, clean your room and go to bed. Let's see if you can have a better nights sleep than I can.
~Love, Scout.
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